Anatomy of a Bag of Sunflower Seeds: Aka 500% of your daily recommended intake of sodium.
- Nice, intact, flavorful shells containing the sweet fruit inside: 80%
- Remains of shells; empty: 5%
- Brittle shells that break apart entirely when you try to crack them open in your mouth, leading to what I like to call ‘termite-itis’: 5%
- Burnt ass seeds (hyphenate how you like) that managed to remain in the roasting process for another cycle, leading to a rancid taste that won’t ever leave short of brushing your teeth: 4.5%
- Shells containing questionable, grainy interiors that are most likely bugs that decided to make their homes in your seeds: 4%
- Lonely yet tasty ‘effortless’ seeds that managed to sneak out of their shells and hide out in the bottom of the bag along with the sedimentary seasoning: 1%
- Freaking sticks from who knows where? At least they are seasoned too, so you can enjoy their flavor if just for a bit: .5%
- Having your lips hurt for the next few days from all the salt performing reverse osmosis on them: 100%
Fifty Shades of Grease Publishing 