How The West Was Won

“How was it won you ask?  That’s a long story.

Let me think, way way back…  This goes back as far as I can remember.

It was unforgivable.  Sometime it was hot, sometimes it was cold.  And not just hot or just cold.  Blizzards, frostbite; heat waves and humidity.  There was no inbetween.  We didn’t even have air conditioning; ice to put in our drinks, Ipads for texting and all that fancy stuff.

California.  There was gold.  They called it the Golden State.  The gold rush.  Everyone wanted to go there.  The Chinamen, the Mexicans, even the Austrians.  That’s how Arnold became the governor you know, posing with his golden abs flexing in the sun.  Your grandmother would always watch him on the tube.

There were so many injuns.  We learned how to make turkey from them.  But it was dry! Who thought eating an ugly bird like that would be a good idea?  It must have been some sort of sick joke.  We couldn’t let them get away with that.  By the time we got there though they had all of the gold already, and we had to pull big-handled machines hoping to line up these reels in order to get our own share of the gold.  They are shrewd ones, those injuns.

Do you know the west has earthquakes?  Everyday almost!  There’s no winning against that.  In my mind, the west isn’t even really won.  It’s just a madhouse.  You’ll never get me to move there.  You hear me?!”

“Grandpa, we’re just trying to fill out this crossword.  Do you know who was in the movie?”

“John Wayne was in it, I think.  You wanna know something about him?”