If It Were Only A Dragon [Chapter 28]

Celebrations are quite unsatisfying when you have nothing to eat but the same old fare that has been sitting in a warm crate in the back of a cart for a week. At least the others were happy. Happy to not be burned or eaten, and quite happy that we would be returning home the next day.

I awoke uncharacteristically early the next morning. No, I slept like garbage because someone had decided to use my nice bedding to clean up blood and dragon vomit. There was no way I was going to be able to return the borrowed bedding to its rightful owners, which was certainly on the top of my list of things to do, mind you.

The actual thing that woke me up was the grumbling of the troll at the edge of the camp. There in the morning light, I saw his bulky, hairy, smelly form, communicating with the elf. I didn’t care to intervene. Soon the troll was toddling off away from the camp. When Nemona turned back, she noticed my awakened state.

“I convinced him not to try and go off after the dragon,” she said in passing on her way to the freshly crackling fire.

I crawled out of bed in the back of the supply cart and joined her. “As vexed as he was at it destroying its home?”

She shrugged, back turned to me. “I convinced him that he could better fulfill himself by returning to his home and creating something new for himself. And that the people that used to travel the bridge would be excited to have him back.”

I sat beside her by the fire. “You told him all that? And got through to him?”

Nemona smirked. “Well, I sensed in him a kindred spirit. As expected, as soon as I started talking his ear off and explained every little detail of my continued quest, he decided he no longer wanted to accompany me.”

“Accompany you?”

Her hand and slender finger reached out for the horizon, where the hazy mountains touched the sky. “I’m of course going after them. To find out what lies beyond those mountains, as well.”

“To… observe and join whatever bizarre mating rituals they might enjoy?” I said hesitantly, trying not to imagine anything.

Nemona slapped at my shoulder. “If I return to find you’ve spread baseless rumors regarding me, especially in the midst of those of the Ministry of Magics, you will not hear the end of it. I will… torment you to the end of your days, and then have the young necromancer revive you to repeat it all over again.”

I scooted away from her slightly. “Understood.”

“Think about it though,” she said, a smile creeping across her face. “If the female lays an egg, I could steal it, bring it back home, then allow it to bond to me when it hatches. A dragon perfectly loyal to me.”

“Ambitious. Hopefully, my lifespan will be up by the time you’ve become a mad dragon-commanding sorceress… You’re going it alone, then?”

The elf nodded. “That is my style. I have magics to aid me, after all. Who knows, I may meet an ally or two along the way, just as you have. Speaking of, there is one now.”

I turned my head and spotted Farvin sitting across the fire from us. “Mornin’.”

“Good morning to you, fellow brave adventurer,” I greeted back.

He put his head down and stared at the ground. “I suppose the lot of you will be heading back to the big city and your fancy beds and fatty eatin’.”

“That’s the plan,” I said with a nod. “But… you’re not far from home out here. I suppose you want to head back? Tell your people of our success?”

The easterner shrugged. “Well, I didn’t do much here besides gettin’ myself ate.”

I stood up and stepped in front of him. “I’d say rather you acted as my shadow in a fine double-pronged attack. That’s proper military tactics there, my boy. Here, something to remember our time together by.”

Farvin glanced up finally as I jogged back to the cart and picked up a suitable souvenir. “Catch,” I said, tossing the dagger at his outstretched hands across the fire pit.

The young man grasped it with surprising speed, only to drop it immediately. “Oh! That is sharp, ain’t it! Gods, that is a lot of blood!”

Nemona jerked up and rushed to him. “Gladius, you dope! Here, I can heal that before we send you off.”

I stretched proudly, wallowing in the good deed, and feeling suddenly hungry for breakfast. I nearly tripped over the gnoll behind me. “Ah, Prince!”

The civilized beast rose to his hind feet to face me at my level. “I appreciate you saving me from that dungeon and those miscreants. And allowing me on this journey, this adventure.”

I almost shook his paw like a hand, but decided it would be too strange for the both of us. My hand found its way toward my hair instead. “It was my pleasure. We shall be returning to the capital, as you might be able to guess. There’s that matter of the little girl you once knew, correct? I could perhaps use my connections to find her.”

The gnoll returned to all fours and spun about. “I appreciate the thought, Sir Gladius. Alas, I have something to confess. I have determined that… taking to the wild… being free… it is liberating. This is where I am meant to be.”

I folded my arms across my chest. “It is true that shitting wherever you please is quite nice. So be it, I will not force your hand… er, paw. Be free, my friend.”

Prince let out a low roar and dashed about the trees to the entertainment of the other men. Just as I was about to finally seek out some food, I felt a tapping at my shoulder. When I jerked back, the Druid was there.

“Uh, hello,” I said, stepping back in surprise. “I suppose you lot could have made a line to come and talk to me? Let me guess, you’re leaving us too?”

Nariza gritted her teeth and nodded. “Yeah. And nothing personal, you were a fine bunch, assuming you were all bathed properly. I… just had a thing come up.”

Her eyes refused to turn my way. “Something we can help with?”

Her head shook furiously. “A me thing, really. The thing is, I used that amber potion on my clothes yesterday, being that I only have this one set of clothing. Don’t want it burned, yeah? And then your squire had the courtesy to remind me not to drink it. Drinking random poultices is pretty much always frowned upon, of course so I’m not sure why it was necessary. Alas I had already applied it to my clothes when he told me that it was made out of poor little bugs.”

I curled up my hand in a ball before my mouth. “I see. So bugs fall into this whole vegan thing, as well?”

Nariza nodded. “Yes, and well, my particular druidic powers wane if I knowingly consume animal products. In fact, that’s one of the many reasons I left the halls of magic in the capital. Too many leather-bound books, I’m afraid.”

I held my chin in my hand and rubbed pensively. “Only knowingly, huh? I see. Hopefully, there is some renumeration?”

Nariza turned away and looked up at the canopies of the trees above. “Yes, only a bit of prayer and rituals to the goddess of nature. Fear not, the isolation away from humans shall bear me no harm.”

I sighed, stomach rumbling. “Well, far be it for me to stop you. Your aid to our party and the Kingdom was much appreciated.”

Nariza wandered off without another word, stopping by the resting horses, whispering to each of them and patting their snouts. I turned back to face the fire where some of the others had come to sit and stoke the embers for cooking.

I stood before them, thinking only about how I had awoken too early, but how I was too hungry to return to sleep. I decided to speak and announce my presence. “Well, hopefully none of decide to make a sudden change in the trajectory of your lives before our return to the capital. The rest of you lot are technically in my care, and if you don’t return with the rest of us, it could only appear as if fell in battle. And that will reflect poorly on me. And cause me more paperwork. Understood?”

Strad turned my way, a grimace staining his face. “You should know what Shanks already took a horse and ran off.”

“He what?!”

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If It Were Only A Dragon [Chapter 26]

The dragon’s feet were still held in place, but that didn’t stop the beast from trying to break free. I discovered that, in addition to its front ripping claws, it had a rear talon stretching back from the scaly foot. If it noticed I was in range, it would certainly try to slice me right through.

The base of the thick tail continued to swing despite the troll’s best efforts to hold it in place. I dove as far as I could into the grass, the bits still green, moist and able to conceal me just a little bit. Beneath its lower half, I was like a baby, moving hand over hand toward the rear end of this creature. Young children certainly find themselves in dangerous predicaments, wouldn’t you say? Eating strange things, finding potentially harmless instruments that they could easily maim themselves on. Truly, I myself was toddling toward an uncertain fate.

No, the fate was quite certain. I knew my goal, the weak point of this beast. The ancient dragon-killing King of our land had used this entrance to slay a beast such as this. There was no other way.

The beast’s underside was pale but plated with scales no less thick than those up top. Despite its flailing above, the area in my view was mostly restrained. There I saw it, just as the elf had described— the meeting of several scales in an odd formation, where there was an entrance. A narrow, horizontal one, but then again, I had laid my eyes upon its feces that had been released from the very same orifice. The mound of bodily refuse back in the field wasn’t too far off my proportions. And to top it off, its fairly recent evacuation meant that, hopefully, there would be no roadblocks ahead. And so, with one last breath of fresh air, I shoved my first hand in.

There was no time for second thoughts. The moment that the dragon felt me wriggling around, it would cause much more hell. My fists drew this thing… the cloaca… open, wide enough for my head. With my feet on the rough grass below, I was able to force most of myself in. The last bit of myself followed, likely due to some elastic force by the dragon’s anatomy.

Strangely enough, my eyes were able to adjust to the darkness. In fact, it wasn’t pitch black at all. Through the strange, slick, slimy, smelly interior of the being, the faint light from outside could be seen. It is not too different from seeing the daylight even through closed eyelids.

My throat and lips remained sealed tight, fearing the lack of air or the presence of other things within the bowels of said dragon. At times like this, things start going through your head— perhaps the lack of oxygen? Well, I have taken note of a few things of recent.

One fact is that meal ingredients vary greatly depending on their source. In once instance, the king’s court for example, it is very rich and nice. The food held in boxes in the back of a mule-drawn cart and cooked at a campfire is less nice by comparison. However, rich food moves through one’s body often more roughly than plain foodstuffs. Certainly, there is a maze of guts within the bodies of all animals and beasts, making for these differences. I did not know the specifics of these mazes, but with a blade I could easily carve a shortcut to the recently swallowed Farvin.

My arms were stuck out ahead of me by the flesh corridor, but I had already made sure the dagger was at the ready. I slid the blade up my palm from my sleeve and took it tightly in my hand. My feet had lost all traction already, so clawing forward was the only way. And so with a flick of my wrist, I drove the thin blade in for the first time.

I couldn’t tell if it was immediately effective. The dragon had already been thrashing about, both from being restrained and also from my sudden invasion of its insides. I felt the warmth of its blood, though. It was almost cold, much cooler than I would have imagined. It was proof that it could bleed, that it could be defeated. So I stabbed again, up a bit further.

After a few successive strikes, I was making my way forward, little by little. The jostling of the surrounding flesh burrow was even greater now. I continued to squirm my way forward, like a worm in a bad apple. I was at my limit by then and forced myself to breathe. My intrusion had brought in just enough air, but every inch of the dragon’s insides were fetid. I knew I had only a few more breaths before I would pass out, and be passed out.

I felt the contractions about me, like my own body often replicated after a night of drinking. My dagger held firm, though. I met with a turn in the innards, but I decided to keep moving forward. My clothes and armor were already slick with the dragon’s blood. I kept striking, trying to open up a path for myself and closer to Farvin.

I was almost through a fresh membrane when I heard a growl. It was anyone’s guess where it came from, but it was soon accompanied by sudden tossing and turning. I felt as if my body were suddenly falling, even while trapped in a fleshy prison. Gravity shifted not a moment later, stealing all my fleshy progress from me. The blood about me slicked every inch of my body. Something beneath my feet gave way, and I was suddenly falling. The fresh air and light around me invaded my senses, but the ground suddenly beneath my back made the experience less enjoyable.

The dragon had escaped the confines of our party and taken to the sky. Beneath it was a spray of blood, exiting out its posterior like a vile rain. I flapped its wings tepidly, neck wrenching over and over, back and forth. I sat myself up to avoid its attack of fire, but something else came out; a dark spray of sour vomit, mostly liquid, save something the size and shape of a human body.

I blinked hard and tried to suck in fresh air. Nemona’s dark locks appeared above me, her eyes looking me over. “Holy crap.”

I glanced down at my hands, covered in crimson. “I made it bleed.”

“Clearly,” she sighed, looking back up across the burned and bloody battlefield. “It won’t die from that though. And it isn’t backing down, either.”

When I managed to sit up, I saw the occasional arrow flying up into the sky. The dragon remained above, circling in a wide formation about us, far out of reach.

“We need more men,” Nemona said through gritted teeth. “It may try to back off and rest, heal up, though, if we just leave it. We’ll need to send a messenger back, and in the meantime, we can track it to—“

The elf’s plans to usurp my lead were cut short by a deep roar. It was nothing like the cry of our prey, but something much larger. On my feet once more, I glanced about for the source of the cry. The great shadow crawling across the plains alerted me and the others first.

“There’s a second one!”

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If It Were Only A Dragon [Chapter 25]

The sorcery-infused pages of the pop-up book in the capital’s library did nothing to prepare me for the sight of the beast in reality. Its fleshy wings tore at the air like a ship’s sails in a storm. Beneath it dangled two limber legs, adequately muscular for a creature of its size. They were attached to talon-like feet, directed at the fake bovines mindlessly awaiting it. Dark green pointed scales ran the length of its body, from its narrow head, down to its long tail, embellished with a collection of small fins, sharp like daggers.

The last time I had felt such unease was because I had smashed one of my mother’s vases. Well, several of my mother’s vases. Smashed them all on purpose. Not for the sake of destruction, mind you. I had gotten my first wooden practice sword, and I decided that the old dusty pottery would serve me well as practice dummies, gathered together in the rear courtyard. When one of them shattered into gray ashes, I became slightly worried.

I’m sure my grandfather, who was kept in that urn, would have seen the humor and utility in my practice then. My mother was much less impressed. Her yelling that day emitted the same energy that Greep, the massive bridge troll, was presenting.

It seems the troll had no reservations about rushing to face the dragon as it descended upon us. I saw it as if the seconds of time had been stretched out to many times their length. With talons extended toward its prey, the dragon descended. The hefty, tasty-looking cow was taken up in the dragon’s grasp effortlessly and without a reaction, only to disappear into curls of smoke as soon as it left the ground. The dragon’s talons closed down on themselves helplessly.

Surely it was confused, even as smart as it had been made out to be. The beast swung about in flight, hoping to catch the next nearest bovine. By that time, Greep had already left the shelter of the trees, moving on all fours toward its target, roaring with the only emotion his brain could manage.

Before the dragon could take up another illusory cow, the troll had grabbed at its ankle, holding it in flight there, wings flapping fervently. I whistled loudly for all to hear then tugged at the reigns of my mount. The horses shot out from under the trees, only to recoil against the sight.

As the dragon tried fruitlessly to shake off the troll, kicking at it with its opposite leg, it began producing a low, gurgling growl.

“That’s the sign to pull back!” Nemona shouted at me from nearby, guiding the donkey serving as her mount.

“We can’t fight it if we do that!” I huffed back.

“Nor can we fight it if—“

Before the remainder of her words could reach my ears, the dragon had angled its head back and began a low spit of flames toward the troll and outward across the grassy field. The flagrant wind forced my eyes shut and parched the skin of my face. The horse beneath me complained and bucked. I held on tight with my hips and reached for the potion in my belt pocket. Fully aware of the blue concoction’s effects, I swallowed only a bit, then splashed my hair and face with another sample from the bottle. I felt the cooling sensation immediately, allowing me to open my eyes.

The troll still held tight, seemingly unfazed despite the wilted and singed grasses about it. I whistled again to call upon the others once more. Utter and Mutter were the first to bring their attack, bows at the ready. The arrows simply bounced off its scales, but they were not without notice.

The dragon’s wings continued to flap, albeit a bit slower, with wider movements. It spun itself around against the grasp of the troll, shoving it back and sending both of them to the ground. With one talon, it had Greep against the ground, our furred ally struggling against its weight. The dragon’s wings found rest, splayed out against the ground. The pointed, dagger-like ends held at the burned grasses beneath like a pair of murderous claws. The look in its red eyes told me the fight was long from over.

A rumbling shook the ground, telling us that the next phase was beginning. The dirt beneath the dragon ruptured suddenly. Under the druid’s control, the nearby tree roots spread and found themselves up and around the dragon’s free leg, anchoring it to the ground. It began to bellow and twist itself, attempting to free itself from their grasp.

Prince dashed out from his hiding space in the tall grass, rushing to the aid of the troll. The gnoll bit at the dragon’s free leg while Greep pushed against great scaly weight off. The humans of our party rushed forward with ropes and stakes to throw across the back of the dragon and restrain it further.

With my heart beating faster than the king consuming pastries, I ushered my horse forward, hoping to test my steel and seek out any weaknesses that would present themselves. The twins continued firing volleys toward the dragon’s fleshy wings and undefended eyes. The red, slitted orbs danced around, glaring at us with great malice, one not too different than the one my mother was able to produce.

Those on horseback swung at the dragon’s scaled appendages, making fruitless glancing blows against its hardened defenses. In the meantime, the gnoll had latched to the dragon’s wing, teeth sunk in surely despite the nimble limb’s flailing. As if in gratitude for Prince’s aid, the troll, back on his feet, joined him in holding down the wing.

The ropes caught suddenly across the dragon’s back, securing all but the dragon’s flailing tail, still trying to swipe out against the circling riders. I felt a rising desire to display my own show of force against the dragon, to ensure it knew of the human who led to its defeat. I held my sword out in my good hand, ready to swipe at its long, relatively dainty neck.

Before I could go in for my flashy attack, the troll jumped out in front of my horse, flying through the air like a dog jumping up for a table scrap. My horse skidded out of the way. I caught sight of the dragon being held in a headlock, forced to the ground by the great weight of the smelly, hairy beast.

Nemona’s horse skidded to a stop next to mine.

“You noticed it’s tender neckline, too?” I called out, adrenaline still begging me to make my own attack.

The elf shoved a hand to my face before jumping down off her mount. “Tell your men to hold positions, keep the dragon as is.”

I glanced about to attempt a headcount of the others, either readying bows or swords or ropes or even teeth. The dragon was completely immobile, held by roots and ties and meaty troll mitts. It was clearly aware of its predicament, like a rat cornered by a hungry cat— well, if you ignore the size aspect of that metaphor. Its eyes blinked slowly, red and angry and… who knows what other emotions it could handle.

“Hold!” I called out. The others had already taken notice of the elf approaching the dragon’s head, held in forced submission.

Nemona spoke loudly but calmly. “You are no simple beast, dragon. A creature of great intelligence, no doubt. And surely you understand my words.”

“What are you on, elf? Do you think it went to school or something?” Eriques clamored from the other side of the dragon.

“One might say a dragon’s intellect could rival that of many humans,” Nemona added without skipping a beat. “Therefore, it would be cruel to end you here, a creature with a lifespan akin to that of an elf. And no doubt… being in possession of unfathomable magics that rival ours, as well. Therefore, I offer you a life as my companion in the capital city of this land, where we may share all that we know.”

I heard a sudden stomping in the grass. Nariza marched up past me, finger waiving. “This is not what I signed up for! Gladius! Nemona!”

I couldn’t help but shrug. “I mean… yes, of course, there’s no way we could have this thing back in the capital. Its shits alone would shut down half the city! Not to mention how many more of those psycho cultists it would create.”

Nariza turned back and clapped in my face. ‘That. Is. Not. The. Point! I won’t mention that it is an intelligent creature that is gorging itself on livestock when it could be much happier and healthier eating a fully plant-based diet.”

“But that is what you’re— “

The druid jerked to face Nemona, interrupting again. “And now this woman wants to take it as a pet? Talk about demeaning!”

The elf jerked back. “A companion! Were you not listening!”

Nariza stomped the grass, somehow causing it to spring back up to life from its dead, burned state. “I heard about you, from my very short time in the ministry of magics. An elf so obsessed with a dragon she saw a couple hundred years ago that she even mentioned wanting to… mingle with one.”

Nemona scoffed. “Well, I never! I mean, I would have to know more about their anatomy first, wouldn’t I? I couldn’t even be sure if this gent here is male or not!”

The earth-rumbling growl began once more. From that distance, I could feel the air being sucked from out surroundings. I shielded my face and held tight to the reins of my horse, ready to run if the flames were to come my way.

Thunk

The sudden low, hollow sound interrupted the building growl in an instant. Had I blinked at that moment, I would have missed the filthy cowbell from the dung pile impacting upon the side of the dragon’s face. Even Greep couldn’t help but watch the unexpected object’s fall.

“You ate my favorite cow!” Farvin shouted. I had missed him as he walked in front of me, my borrowed dagger in one hand, the other hand still in the air from lancing the cowbell.

“Is this really the time, lad?” I said through gritted teeth.

Farvin spoke louder than I had ever heard him speak. “If this thing is really so smart, then it should be able to understand what it did! Make him feel what it’s like to have the animal you raised from birth just to be… eaten up!”

“Cows get eaten all the time, Farvin, please…” I begged.

“Only by unfeeling, bloodthirsty barbarians!” Nariza shouted back.

“Can both of you just shut the fuck up?!” I ordered. “We can have this debate another time! And Nemona–“

Before I could take charge, Farvin took his own charge, dagger in hand, toward the dragon’s face. I could almost feel the meaningless strikes of the dagger against its scales. I nearly ran forward, but the dragon moved quicker than any of us could have imagined. In one fell swoop, it freed its neck from the troll’s grasp, just enough to angle its jaw above the easterner, fitting its mouth about him in one fell swoop. Just like that, Farvin was on a one way trip on the same journey his cow had taken.

“It ate the country boy!” Eriques screamed.

The troll was knocked away next by a swipe of the dragon’s neck. The bickering magic users were in sudden agreement to retreat as one, mounting the same horse beside me. I glared at Nemona, who left me with only a narrow look and a triplet of parting words on her lips. “Remember the weakness!”

I shook my head, refusing to believe what had happened, but knowing there to be only one option.

My horse had other plans. As the troll began rampaging again, I was bucked off. When I had righted myself, I caught the sight of a glint in the grass. Not the filthy cowbell, but the dagger that Farvin had attempted to use against the beast. It would be the necessary tool.

“Don’t let him back up to the air! Keep a hold of him!” I called out to my men, still holding at the ropes and stakes keeping the dragon partially immobile. “I need to get to its backside.”

The next movements I took felt like pure instinct. I dashed for the dropped weapon. The dragon was intensely aware of my movements. I would have ended up ate just like Farvin had Prince not sprung into action to claw at its cheeks and eyes. I rolled under its neck and grabbed up the dagger to bring around to the other side.

The dragon’s wings went for me next, but the the twins and their sharp arrows threatened the webbed sections of flesh enough to keep them at bay. The ropes and roots were still holding one of its legs in place, but its tail still posed a threat. Somehow, Nemona and her dear troll had anticipated our movements. The great spiked tail struck Greep across the chest, but he managed to hold on, skidding backwards against the force.

Nemona and her horse dashed just outside of it’s range, calling to me. “Look for a slit,” she directed. “Right between a pair of scales on its pelvis.”

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